Chicken Little (dir. Roland Emmerich)
“The Moon must survive. Everything depends on it.”
Roland Emmerich, best known for the crowd-pleasing blockbuster Independence Day (1996), has spent his career making disaster films defined by brainless bombast. Such films include Godzilla (1998), The Day After Tomorrow (2004), White House Down (2013), and Independence Day: Resurgence (2016).
When he’s not making movies about global catastrophe, Emmerich’s filmography dabbles in historical revisionism. The Patriot (2001) constructs a fictional Revolutionary War narrative, 10,000 BC (2008) is riddled with anachronisms, and, most egregiously, Stonewall (2015) tells the story of the beginning of the gay rights movement from the perspective of a white twink.
The rest of his historical films, with the exception of Midway (2021), spout conspiracies worthy of a tin foil crown. 2012 (2009) cashes in on paranoia surrounding the Mayan calendar’s doomsday, Anonomyous (2011) posits that William Shakespeare was not a real person, and Moonfall (2022) traffics in misinformation about the moon landing.
It’s a small miracle that a movie this stupid exists considering its budget of approximately $150,000,000 was independently financed, making Moonfall one of the largest independently produced films in cinematic history. The cast includes noteworthy names like Halle Berry, Patrick Wilson, John Bradley, and Donald Sutherland.
Moonfall was a box office disaster, grossing ~$67,000,000 worldwide. As a film, Moonfall is a failure in every regard. It’s also a viewing experience that defies belief, a viewing experience worth having, in my opinion. It is a “smooth-brained delight” that begs to be mocked, preferably while you and your friends smoke weed or knock back a few drinks.
The sky is falling! The sky is falling! We can’t trust the President!
Donald Sutherland: In school, you were taught that Apollo 11 lost contact with Mission Control for two minutes. Not true. Mission Control cut their feed to the world because they found something on that day. Strange pulsating lights emanating from beneath the Moon’s crust. It was me who was assigned to keep it under wraps.
Halle Berry: You’re telling me that the Moon was effectively the biggest cover-up in human history?
Donald Sutherland: Biggest? Probably.
Halle Berry: You had blood on your hands too.
Donald Sutherland: Yeah, well, anyone who follows orders pretty much always does, don’t they?
In many ways, Moonfall is the apotheosis of Emmerich’s gonzo storytelling sensibilities. Hot off the heels of the American government’s botched response to the COVID-19 pandemic, a period of widespread fear and misinformation, Moonfall is the Chicken Little of our time — and we live in an exceptionally foolish moment.
Emmerich’s script is prepared to meet the moment, penning one of the most unrepentantly braindead screenplays in recent memory.
Halle Berry: We have another problem. The military. They’re prepared to do everything at their disposal to stop the Moon.
Patrick Wilson: You can’t be serious.
Halle Berry: I’m dead serious. They’re going to nuke it.
Does Moonfall deserve critical acclaim? Absolutely not. It’s slop. Is Moonfall worth watching? Yeah, I think so! I’ve seen it twice and, honestly, I’d watch it again.
In Moonfall, Roland Emmerich declares war on brain cells with overwhelming force. It is the Powell Doctrine of cinematic stupidity, a no-holds-barred assault on intellect whose third-act revelations about the Moon will leave you shocked and awed.
It’s an exceptionally good bad movie.
What’s your favorite bad movie? Let me know in the comments!
Until next week, film freak.
I wonder if this is a mockery and statement about areas of global and political misinformation, withholding and burying truth, revealing of conspiracy theories and long held crazy (in my opinion but hey I have a brain) fears? Those independently funding the $150,000,000 must have wanted to SAY something?? Those acting must have wanted to SHOW something?? Maybe this is a comedy or satire?? I am intrigued and will see it based on your review.
Great fun you must have had writing this epistle to schlock like Emmerich's films, sez Yoda. (Is he Michael Bay's twin?) I never saw the film, but wow, what a stupid mess this sounds like.