Rumours (2024)
A review with mild spoilers.
Seven Chuckle-Fucks Gather Under a Gazebo
In Rumours, the leaders of the seven most prosperous liberal democracies, known as the G7, convene for their annual summit. Their task: drafting a provisional statement to address “the crisis.” The exact nature of the crisis remains unclear, but a joint statement from the G7 leaders is of the utmost importance.
German Chancellor Hilda Ortmann (Cate Blanchett), host of this year’s summit, utilizes the international stage to showcase an exciting archeological discovery. Standing over an excavated grave, Chancellor Ortman explains, “This is an example of what we call ‘Bog Bodies,’ mummified from the Iron Age.”
After a photo-op with the mutilated Bog Body, the G7 leaders convene under a beautiful gazebo in the scenic forests of Dankerode, Germany, to iron out the verbiage of their provisional statement. It is a sophisticated meeting of diplomatic minds poised to address issues of the utmost importance.
However, the group's vital efforts are quickly complicated by personal relationships between international leaders, past and present. As the leaders toil away under the warm light of the gazebo’s chandelier, amidst their singular commitment to provisionally addressing “the crisis,” they fail to notice a fog rolling in. Once day turns to night, the heads of state realize they’re completely alone.
Without their staff or security teams, the steady facade of the sophisticated diplomats begins to crack, and the groups’ collective ineptitude begins to show. They struggle to agree on a course of action to address the new, more urgent crisis. The group of international leaders supposedly poised to address a global crisis suddenly finds itself unable to decide if they should leave the gazebo.
Fending for themselves in increasingly bizarre circumstances, the G7’s fecklessness is laid bare. The French president returns to the gazebo covered in mud, claiming he encountered Bog Bodies from underground.
“What were they then?” asks the Prime Minister of Canada, “Terrorists?”
“Were you attacked?” asks the U.K. Prime Minister.
“They loomed threateningly,” the French President replies.
“Protestors,” the German Chancellor concludes with contempt.
Unequipped to match the escalating absurdity of their situation, the film gestures towards the limited utility of multilateral diplomacy to meet the challenges of a rapidly developing crisis that reflects humanity's barbaric nature.
Consider the Bog Body at the beginning of the film, whose penis was severed and wrapped around its neck. These are the shambling creatures our group of democratic leaders now face in the dark wilderness. Via the Bog Bodies, Rumours manifests humanity’s penchant for heinous violence dating back to the Iron Age.
As political satire, Rumours suggests that contemporary multilateral diplomacy is historically anomalous and arguably unsuited to address emergent crises.
How can an international rules-based order function in a geopolitical landscape whose status quo displays no commitment to reasonable collaboration? What mechanisms of enforcement legitimize organizations like the G7? Drafts of provisional statements?
On the other hand, how can we expect democratically elected leaders to function without support? Within the film, “support” manifests as teams of staffers, experts, and security personnel. In reality, the leaders of the G7 derive their legitimacy from the people they represent—a people distrustful of political elites.
On the other, other hand, can democratically elected leaders appease festering discontent if they harbor contempt for their constituency?
Considering the German chancellor’s disdainful crack about protesters, are these leaders truly committed to the democratic values they champion (e.g., free speech and the right to protest), even when it’s a political or personal inconvenience?
With authoritarianism's global rise threatening to destabilize the most prosperous liberal democracies of the 20th century, we ought to question the efficacy of our political systems and the “solutions” they proffer to 21st-century problems. If provisional statements are the only tool in their arsenal, the G7 leaders are essentially bags of hot air.
“We, the Leaders of the Group of Seven (G7), gathered in Apulia to reaffirm our enduring unity and determination to meet global challenges at a crucial moment in history and as the international community confronts multiple interconnected crises.
We reiterate our shared belief in democratic principles and free societies, universal human rights, social progress, and respect for multilateralism and the rule of law. We commit to providing opportunities and pursuing shared prosperity. We seek to strengthen international rules and norms for the benefit of all.
Our work is grounded in our commitment to respect the UN Charter, safeguard international peace and security, and uphold the free and open rules-based international order. We will support more effective, inclusive and equitable global governance that reflects our changing world. We reaffirm our commitment to uphold human dignity and the rule of law in all parts of the world.
We are working together and with others to address the pressing challenges of our time…”
-Preamble to the “G7 Apulia Leaders’ Communiqué,” June 14th, 2024
In that way, Rumours articulates a diminishing faith in the efficacy of liberal democracies and a growing doubt in their leader’s capability to implement solutions to “the crisis,” whatever that specific crisis may be.
Rumours portrait of multilateral fecklessness doesn’t seek to offer a solution to democracy’s problems. It does not champion an authoritarian alternative approach to governance. Rather, it begs the question: is the perpetuation of ailing liberal democracy, in and of itself, a viable solution to global issues of existential scale?
As the G7 countries promise solutions to international issues, are they adequately attuned to their domestic democratic dysfunction, or is it simply swept under the rug in pursuit of grandstanding on the global stage?
I dunno, nor does Rumours, but it’s successful satire insofar as it earned a handful of chuckles and prompted me to consider these questions.
While thought-provoking upon reflection, Rumours is less than the sum of its parts. It’s an unabashedly weird cocktail of horror, sci-fi, and satire. I appreciate that it swings for the fences, but Rumours lacks the acerbic edge I crave in political satire.
Despite being under two hours long, the film drags when the leaders begin wandering through the forest at night. It would have more bite if it were condensed into a short film.
At feature length, Rumours is enjoyable — simultaneously zany and slight. Like liberal democracy, the film is deeply flawed, yet its redeeming qualities remain worthy of commendation.
Tuesday is Election Day in the United States. Do your part to help out ailing democracy, my fellow film freak, and don’t elect a senile fascist to be our Head of State (again).
Until next time, God bless America. We need all the help we can get.