The Cinema is Sacred
Don't text. Don't talk. Don't be a fucking degenerate.
“WE COME TO THIS PLACE FOR MAGIC…”
I went to a screening of The Meg 2: The Trench at 4:30 pm on a Tuesday. My expectations weren’t high. I have an affinity for movies about sharks — I dunno, blame it on Jaws. Regardless, I delight in the solitary, self-indulgence of catching a movie on a weekday afternoon.
“WE COME TO AMC THEATERS TO LAUGH, TO CRY, TO CARE…”
These words precede every screening at AMC theaters, spoken in Nicole Kidman’s posh, Aussie accent.
I am not a religious man. I am, however, an AMC A-Lister and, as such, I make the pilgrimage to my local AMC theater frequently. As a result, AMC’s corporate ad copy has become my lord’s prayer.
In a post-pandemic world, the viability of the cinema has come into question. If new releases promptly make their way to streaming platforms, why bother going to a theater?
“…BECAUSE WE NEED THAT, ALL OF US. THAT INDESCRIBABLE FEELING WE GET WHEN THE LIGHTS BEGIN TO DIM…”
I do believe that there is value in the theatrical experience. Like religious worship, frequency, and devotion are bound to vary from person to person. I am a cinematic fanatic, arguably a zealot. However, I try my best to avoid evangelizing on the topic.
The movie theater is sacred to me, but it is not my place to assert control over others. Every viewer has a right to worship at the altar of cinema in their own way. A theater is, after all, a public space. I am not its keeper. I have no right, nor the desire, to police it.
There is, however, a social contract that moviegoers tacitly agree to: “Don’t text. Don’t talk. Don’t ruin the movie.”
“AND WE GO SOMEWHERE WE’VE NEVER BEEN BEFORE…”
I realize that people will text and talk. Rules are made to be bent, and very rarely do these transgressions prevent me from enjoying the movie. However, as The Meg 2 made its claustrophobic descent into the Mariana Trench, I realized I too was trapped.
Over the next two hours, I descended into the hellish morass of movie theater etiquette (or lack thereof). I arrived and sat in my seat, beside a group of approximately six adolescents. Upon seeing me don my glasses and prepare my pen and notepad, one of the youths noticed.
“We should move to the back row,” he entreated his friends. Just before the movie began, they moved into the back left corner of the theater. Only one member of their group refused to move.
As the movie started, they continued to converse at full volume. The Meg 2 isn’t an intellectual titan of a film. I doubt anybody, myself included, was trying to take this movie seriously. Nevertheless, I was disturbed by the atmosphere developing around me.
A few minutes into the film there was a lull in the film and audience chatter. I seized the moment and asked the room, “We’re not going to talk during the movie, are we?”
No reply. Silence.
This tempered the talking, for a while at least. Alas, full-volume conversations were only one example of the degeneracy that plagued theater nine that afternoon.
“…NOT JUST ENTERTAINED, BUT SOMEHOW REBORN, TOGETHER.”
There’s a paradoxical appeal to movie theaters, a tension between the singular and solitary focus of a film counterbalanced by silently, simultaneously sharing the experience with a room full of strangers. Without conversing, audience members feed off of each other's energy.
In a horror movie, you might collectively jump or squirm. In a comedy, laughter can be infectious. As each joke hits the audience, laughter combines in a chorus of chuckles, chortles, and guffaws. In a melodrama, you may shed tears and find comfort in the sniffles surrounding you. Your personal grief is tempered by the collective anguish that the film provoked. Whatever you’re feeling, you are not alone.
“DAZZLING IMAGES ON A HUGE SILVER SCREEN. SOUND THAT I CAN FEEL.”
Watching The Meg 2, I knew I wasn’t alone. The one adolescent that refused to relocate was as frustrated with his friends as I was. He whispered, “shut the fuck up,” in their direction a handful of times.
My eyes were pulled from the huge silver screen by a dingus in the back row taking a flash photo during the movie, the unforgiving light revealing the fragility of the social contract of theaters.
The dazzling images were clouded by a dipshit ripping a vape throughout the movie. He sat in the middle of the theater, the film projected through the lingering vapors of his inconsiderate behavior.
As a slave to some of my own vices, I sympathize with this man. There have been a few times when I’ve dipped out of a movie theater because I needed my fix. One of the perks of at-home viewing is that I can smoke whenever I want to. You forgo this right when in a movie theater. I thought that was obvious.
I think it was obvious to the Vaping Man too. Every thirty minutes or so, he would stand up and move to a different seat, as if he was trying to avoid being noticed. He must’ve been stoned to the bone because the man exhaling clouds and conspicuously relocating multiple times was basically screaming, “I am misbehaving in a movie theater.”
“SOMEHOW, HEARTBREAK FEELS GOOD IN A PLACE LIKE THIS. “
The egregious disregard for the sanctity of the cinema persisted.
That heartbreak didn’t feel good. Not even in an AMC theater.
“OUR HEROES FEEL LIKE THE BEST PARTS OF US, AND STORIES FEEL PERFECT AND POWERFUL...”
On the contrary, it felt like the worst parts of us attended that screening of The Meg 2.
Toward the end of act two, the person behind me dozed off and snored until the film ended. To be fair to the Sleeping Man, The Meg 2 is partially to blame, it’s far from enrapturing.
Nevertheless, nothing about the experience, his or mine, was “perfect” or “powerful.” For him, it was a snooze. For me, it was a nightmare.
“BECAUSE HERE… THEY ARE…”
…not.
“AMC THEATERS. WE MAKE MOVIES BETTER.” GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER.
Amen.
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Until next week, behave yourself, film freaks.
Aw, man, what a funny account of your experience with these nitwits. I love what you said to them, even if it didn't work for long. Never seen anyone vape at a movie. But I have seen lots of texting, photos, mock-fighting, and general obnoxiousness.
Love this very much